Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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