He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Drake has all the answers
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
