he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
