i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
