i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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