Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
