Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
