wat bout pragnant strippers??
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
