remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
