hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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