idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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