Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
