I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
