Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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