So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
