but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
