I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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