Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
