Me too!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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