yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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