put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
