i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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