No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
