I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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