I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
