I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
