Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
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Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.