I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."