You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"