I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.