it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
