paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
its not stalking. its research.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
