i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
