I am in a vortex of obligation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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