is your mom at the bar?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
