Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
