Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
