and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
