I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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