No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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