Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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