i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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