Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
