i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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