Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
