I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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