Jerry, you need to find god
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
