I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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