All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
