The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
