I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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