I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
