I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
