Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
