You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
