you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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