Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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