Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
