end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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