How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
