Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
