If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
