i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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